” yesterday we had a ‘soaking’ time with God, we laid back listened to some worship music and invited the holy spirit to come, the rest was completely in God’s control, i remember asking God to open his hand to me, and he replied ‘it’s already open, all you have to do is take it and walk with me ‘ in my heart i took his hand and the love he poured on me in that moment was indescribable, i was drenched, i told him i was sorry, yet again i confessed everything to him there and then and he said ‘ i know you’ve already told me, i want us to move forward together, not stand still going over the same things, but it’s your choice and in your time, you have free will ‘ i meditated on this for a while and realised i’d been finding some sort of identity in the past because it was what i already knew rather than taking God’s hand and trusting him with what’s happening now and the days to come, then a song came on about surrendering to God, and i all of a sudden felt exausted as if i’d been in labour for hours, my eyes streamed with tears and i confessed that i was tired of living my way, and even though i had a choice, i didn’t really because in my heart i knew that I was ready to go on a deeper level with my FATHER, he poured mercy, grace and a huge amount of love on me, he heard my heart and my every cry and comforted me, i felt his arms around me. He kicked the enemy out with his lies, and subtle unbelief and self doubt and met me exactly where i was. . . Vulnerable, confused and many other things and made me realise that even when we know things on a deep level about God, it’s all about where our heart attitude is. . . . Which can change all the time but where are we placing our hearts in hard or challenging times? Because the enemy can easily sneek in there without us realising, if we turn to him, even if we don’t know what to say he knows what we want to say”
